Obama Dream Abuse

13: Obama Dream Abuse by Regular Features

Episode Call Sheet

Script

LOG
Hello, and welcome to Regular Features, the show that's the same every week. This is episode thirteen. I'm Jon Blyth, and I've got to tell you a fact about myself.
MATT
Awwww.
STEVE
And I'm Steve Hogarty and that jacket from Hong Kong I got - I don't like it and I'm not wearing it anymore.
MATT
Oh, for fuck's sake.
STEVE
I've gone back to the old one.
LOG
Is that a follow-up fact about yourself?
MATT
This is the third.
STEVE
Yeah. This… It's three in a row.
LOG
An ongoing trilogy…
MATT
The coat trilogy as we will know it.
STEVE
You'll never hear about it again.
MATT
Err, I'm Matt Lees, and I'm going on a plane tomorrow to Canada.
LOG
Why?
MATT
Errm…
LOG
Fucking…
• JINGLE •
"Whalesong"
• FEATURE •
"Steve's Emails That He's Been Getting From Barrack Obama"
Written and Performed by
Steve Hogarty
★ Rate This Feature ★
STEVE
And now it's time for Steve's Regular Feature - "Steve's Emails That He's Been Getting From Barrack Obama". Errm, I've been receiving a lot of… You might not know this about me…
MATT
What? No, you didn't… you didn't mention…
• JINGLE •
"Bah, Bah, Bah, Regular Features"
• FEATURE •
"Abusing Children/Don't Ask Steve About Ireland"
Written and Performed by
Matt Lees
★ Rate This Feature ★
MATT
Okay, it's time for my Regular Feature.
LOG
Hurray.
MATT
This week's Regular Feature…
MATT
This week's Regular Feature is about abusing children. Now, I've recently, err, had a… an article I wrote for a magazine featured which is about when, about ten years ago, I used to take advantage of kids in an online MMO game, and get them to spend all day mining coal for me. Now, I think that, whilst I do feel slightly guilty about this, in retrospect it is still quite funny, but there… It has sort of reminded me that sometimes, errm, people get really, really upset about stuff like that. Like, you know, people exploiting kids and that, and…
MATT
Wow, well, that's… That… That was the end of this week's Feature "Don't Ask Steve About Ireland"
• JINGLE •
"Instrumental - Saxophone, Version 1"
• FEATURE •
"Why Don't People Talk About Dreams?"
Written and Performed by
Jon "Log" Blyth
★ Rate This Feature ★
LOG
And now it's time for my Regular Feature…
MATT
Ah.
LOG
…which I started making up ten minutes ago, and that is my flag to you to say don't expect much, aye?
MATT
Don't expect much…
LOG
Don't expect much from me.
MATT
…aye?
LOG
I'm too good to make any effort for this shit.
MATT
I think it's fine.
LOG
I'm sorry. I'm going to go for it. It called "Why Don't People Talk About Dreams?" Why do they say it's shit when you talk about dreams and boring because I think talking about dreams is brilliant especially my dreams which I've had and are great.
STEVE
Do you like listening to other people talk about dreams?
CLOSING CREDITS ROLL